The Ballad of Joan Henry

How the Last Living Secretary Beat a Chat Bot

This tale of the extinct species, the Secretary, the predecessor of AI, set to the folk tune “John Henry” with apologies to Pete Seeger.

When Joan Henry was a little baby
Sitting on her mama’s knee
She picked up a pad and a #2 pencil
Said “dictation going to be the death of me,
Lord Lord,
Dictation going to be the death of me.”

The boss man said to Joan Henry
“Gonna bring that Chat bot round
Gonna bring that Chat bot to the job
Gonna stomp that dictation down,
Down Down
Stomp that dictation down.”

Joan Henry told her boss man
“A woman is nothing but a woman
But before I let your Chat bot beat me down
I’ll die with my stenopad in hand,
Lord Lord
I’ll die with my stenopad in hand.”

Joan Henry said to her steno pool
“Ladies, why don’t you sing?
Here I’m typing 100 words a minute
Just listen to that Selectric ring,
Lord Lord
Listen to that Selectric ring.”

The man that invented the Chat bot
Thought he was mighty fine
But Joan Henry typed 100 words
And Chat bot was only online,
Lord Lord

Joan Henry typed a mountain and
Her Selectric was on fire.
She worked so hard she broke her poor heart,
She shut down that Selectric and died,
Lord Lord
Shut down her Selectric and died.

But Joan Henry had a little baby,
Her name was Molly Brown
Miss Molly could take dictation too
But Miss Molly went to MIT
So she could beat that Chat man down
Lord, Lord
Beat that Chat bot man down.

The last words I heard that poor girl say
“My momma was a dictation taking woman,
Lord, Lord
She drove her Selectric down”

Now every Monday morning
When smartphones begin to ding
People hear Joan Henry’s Selectric humming
They hear Joan Henry’s Selectric ring
Lord Lord
They hear her Selectric ring.