J. F. Shumate

I share the secrets of my success here, for the first time.

Many articles are published on Medium about “Getting Started as a Writer.” Most of these articles are either partially fabricated or outright lies. All (okay, just 99%) are designed to have you sign up for their writing course or follow their blogs.

Not me. I want to help you. And I am doing it without a hope of making a dime. By the way, a dime is a hard currency coin. Once upon a time, it bought a cup of regular coffee. Now, you pay a dime plus $10 to have a college graduate swirl their logo in your latte.

But I digress.

If you’re ready to become a successful digital writer, follow my advice. I know it’s free advice, but that doesn’t mean it is bad, does it?

Ready? Here it is:

Create your reviews yourself.

That’s it. Why wait for the New York Times or Oprah to read your stuff? Just write them yourself.

Of course, if you are so humble, you can’t do this; keep starving. Writers are not humble. Was Ernest Hemingway humble? Let’s face facts. If you are too humble to do this, maybe you need a new career?

Here are the reviews that turned me into an overnight household name.

The Collected Reviews of JF Shumate

–“Wow. I have gone all these years without reading JF Shumate. What was I missing?” – Belshire Wales Gazette

–“It’s hard to know where to start with JF Shumate. Clicking delete comes to mind.” – Belgrade Evening News

–“There are many well-known writers who use their initials. And then there is JF Shumate.” Sarah Missangelo, KABC Evening News.

–“English teachers still talk about JF Shumate.” Mrs. Mildred Pumphrey, Sophomore English Teacher, Branford High School

–“JF Shumate claims direct lineage to Pulitzer Prize poet WS Merwin. Using their initials seems like the most obvious connection.” – Berkeley Post

–“Could there be a better writer anywhere than JF Shumate? Anyone? Anywhere?” Barnstable Equestrian News

–“One of the greatest writers to grace our grounds.” Bubba Turnstile, Warden, Coleman Correctional Facility

–“Reading a JF Shumate story all the way through, one keeps thinking, should I stop and do the dishes?” Mary Quartermain, Ocala Chronicle

–“What a way to start the day. Reading a JF Shumate story sticks with you, much like Bangers and Mash.” Bryan Knaughton-Pierce, 3rd Lord of Kingsbury

–“If you run out of stories to read before reaching for a JF Shumate book, perhaps you need a larger library.” Millers Creek Farmers News

–“It was read another JF Shumate story or shear my sheep. If only I could find those shears?” New Zealand Aucklander

–“I have been telling all my friends about the writings of JF Shumate. Like a light bulb in a moth factory, he sucks you in.” Graham Binghampton, New York Sun

–“Please keep writing. Seriously, write a lot. And then write some more. Keep submitting to Medium. However, I think it is only fair to the other publishers that they get to review your stories.” Walter Sprang, Jr., Editor, Medium Publisher

And Now It’s Up to You

There it is. Your career as a writer is on a fast track. Although I am super busy following the advice of my Medium editor, I am taking time to help you get started. Just follow my post and clap it at least 100 times (or 200.) Thanks.

Now here’s the help.

Start writing. Write a lot of stuff. Don’t bother getting a mentor or studying composition. It’s just a numbers game. Medium gets 65,000 submissions a month. Statistically speaking, if you submit 6,500 articles a month, you have a much greater chance of getting published.

Overwhelmed by the sheer volume, the AI-Bot editors on Medium will “learn” to recognize your writing style as superior to the crap generated by other bots such as ChatGPT. Medium AI-Bot editors love nothing better than screwing authors using ChatGPT.

Soon, you will own Medium. Then it’s on to world literature domination. Since only your articles are being published, an entire generation of readers will know you! Mrs. Pumphrey will be forced into retirement, leaving her “For Whom the Bell Tolls” behind on her desk. After all, if Ernest Hemingway can do it, why not you?

Oops, the other guy who read this far is submitting that many. Better move your goal to 10,000.

Who needs to sleep? You’re a writer. Now, get writing!